Here's a Malta teaser for you

Yes so we've spoken about Malta at least two times before, and I'm sure you're probably getting a bit tired of hearing about it. But listen up worms; when I'm contracted to do something I damn well do it, so sit down and listen to what I have to say. And anyone trying toi sneak out at the back gets a kick up the backside.

Now, as we know Malta is full of all that history gubbins, and you're all very well and good to go and sight see and what have you, but with Spring sprung and summer only a couple of months around the corner you're going to want relax in a nice hotel, with nice things and that. So with that in mind, I present to you the Hotel Phoenicia in the capital of Valletta, a five star hotel in a wonderful setting (just look at the photo, isn't it ace?). Concierge, spas, brilliant restaurants and bars and superb location – it's got pretty much everything, and it's undergoing a refurb to make it even acer. Or at least, it was when I was there, it might have finished by now.

In any case, if you want a bit of glamour and five star treatment in a wonderful setting, the Phoenicia is where it's at, ya dig?