No Mickey Mouse holidaying in Florida

But really, who wants to queue up for hours on end surrounded by rednecks and portly Brits, not to mention the screaming little brats going on and on about ice ream or Goofy, or some ride that involves being up upside down for five minutes while a man with a bucket collects all the money that falls out...

The best way to avoid that stress is to get yourself down to Saint Pete's Beach in the Gulf of Mexico and kick back in the Sunshine State. If you really can't face the thought of doing literally nothing for two weeks, then the best thing you can do here is check out the marine life, and go fishing.

Now I'm as suspicious of British fishing as the next man who knows how daft wax jackets look, but out in Pass-a-Grille (an area of St Pete's) you get to sit on a cool as boat and, if my performance was anything to go by, you are almost guaranteed top catch something tasty even if you're as cack-handed and inept as I am.

So in short: no theme parks, lots of sun, sand and fishing. You hear me. And for the love of God don't go anywhere near Jacksonville.